TV's top 25 put-downs, plus a few more

The Radio Times has published its top 25 TV put-downs. As we'd expect from a middling publication, the results have been watered down, appealing to the middle-English, My Family-loving, comedy-without-an-edge crowd. They did include a couple of gems - namely from Mrs Merton, Blackadder, Basil Fawlty, Inspector Monkfish and Jim Royle - but here's a few off the top of my head that they neglected:

Tim loses his rag with a Sci-Fi shop customer in Spaced:

Tim: You are so blind. You so do not understand. You wern't there at the beginning, you don't know how good it was - how important. This is it for you: a jumped up firework display of a toy advert. People like you make me sick, what's wrong with you?

[Cuts to a scared little boy]

Tim: Now, I don't care if you've saved up all your 50p's, ok? Now take your pocket money, and get out... What a prick.

Gareth Keenan thinks he can win over Tim's new girlfriend in The Office (series 2):

Gareth: I can't believe you'd choose him over me for a start.
Tim: And why's that Gareth?
Gareth: Well look at your huge nose and your funny haircut... You look like a Fisher Price man

Dawn-obsessed Tim meets Wernham Hogg's favourite computer geek in The Office:

IT geek: You know Bruce Lee's not really dead, don't you? Yeah, it's in a book. What he did is faked his own death so he could work undercover for the Hong Kong police, infiltrating drugs gangs and the triads.
Gareth: Yeah I reckon that's true.
Tim: Yeah I reckon that's true because if you were going to send someone undercover to investigate the triads you'd probably want the most famous Chinese film star [Tim and his girlfriend laugh]
IT geek: Gone off Dawn now have you?

From Blackadder Goes Forth, while the boys are trying to entertain themselves before the big push:

Lieutenant George: So, what shall we do now then?
Private Baldrick: Shall I do my war poem?
Captain Blackadder: How hurt would you be if I gave the honest answer which is: no, I'd rather french-kiss a skunk?
Private Baldrick: So would I, sir.

Alan Johnson from Peep Show, on his medicinal techniques after making someone cry after their business presentation:

Sophie: I hope you two are pleased with yourselves, you made her really upset you know?
Johnson: Hey I'm just the doctor, I don't make the needles sharp!

Stella and Charlie from the League of Gentlemen - After arguing about whether the pieces are cheese or pie in Trivia Pursuit:

Stella: Go on, give me my question!
Charlie: I'll give you your question you stupid twat!

This 'put-downs' angle is one I'll return to time and again, I'm sure

Steve Coogan: top three

For no other reasons than a) he's hilarious, and b) I once had a pee next to him in an Soho House, here are 3 of my favourite Steve Coogan sketches:


1 - When Alan met Dan, I'm Alan Partridge (2002)

This clip's from the episode where Alan meets Dan (Stephen Mangan), the Lexus driving, Voodoo wearing half of the sex people.




2 - "DAN", I'm Alan Partridge (2002)

From the same episode, Alan tries and fails to get his beloved Dan's attention.




3 - Swimming pool supervisor, The Day Today (1994)

The trials and tribulations of a swimming pool supervisor who witnesses a death (and an incident with a pigeon) at his pool.

Game On

To start, one of my favourites, Game On - which had a three series run on the BBC between 1995-98. Not everyone's cup of tea, the flatshare based sitcom focused on three twentysomethings who were all tragic losers in their own special ways. Matt was a housebound agraphobic, Martin, his ginger best friend who was treated like a little brother and worked in a dead end bank job, and Mandy, a beautiful and unlucky-in-love careerist who never seemed to do anything but shag.

The writers were sometimes criticised for not making the characters likable enough, but then again, the critics probably wern't the twentysomethings this was aimed at. I was only in my early teens when I became a Game On fan, and although I didn't understand half the jokes, I can go back now and the simple, sexual-issues led storylines make for an easy, laughable sitcom that I still love. Even if it's only appeal is that the tedious lives of the characters make your life seem exciting and fruitful, go and watch the back catalogue on YouTube.

One of my favourite lines of dialogue:

Matt: [On Steve McQueen in The Great Escape] What was his character's name?
Martin: I dunno... Chris?
Matt: Chris? Chris? Chris is the sort of name a turd might have, if turds had names. Yes, Steve McQueen stars as Chris in the Great escape. That's right up there with Robert De Niro as Tim in Raging Bull. Marlon Brando as Toby in the Godfather.
Martin: No, everyone knows he was called Don in the Godfather. Though that's not a traditional Italian name...

What is it about British comedy?

British comedy comes in all shapes and sizes:

The good (Phoenix Nights, Big Train, Porridge), the bad (Hyperdrive, Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie, My Hero), the satirical (Spitting Image, The Day Today, That Was the Week That Was), the influential (Morecambe & Wise, Not the Nine O'Clock News, Monty Python), the overrated (Little Britain, That Mitchell & Webb Look, ), the politically driven (Brass Eye, Yes Prime Minister, Citizen Smith), the dark (League of Gentlemen, Nighty Night, The Mighty Boosh), the camp (Are you being served?, The High Life, The Thin Blue Line), those influenced by warfare (It Ain't Half Hot Mum, Dad's Army, 'Allo, 'Allo), the cult (Peep Show, Red Dwarf, Spaced), those influenced by laddism (Men Behaving Badly, Fantasy Football, Game On), the stereotype challenging (Goodness Gracious Me, The Ali G Show), the middle of the road (My Family, Last of the Summer Wine, Vicar of Dibley) and the timeless (Only Fools & Horses, Fawlty Towers, The Young Ones).

Of course, I simplify. But the above snapshot alone shows the variety and extremes to which British comedy goes to try to make us laugh. But the comedies I love, those which I'd have given my left arm to have written or been associated with, are the ones with a little something extra.

Those that raised the bar for example. Think about The Royle Family, which turned the sitcom format on its head. Rarely moving beyond a typical northern living room, Jim Royle and family presented us with a realistic 2.4 family and assured us that there was life beyond middle England which was witty, thoughtful and emotional to boot. Love or hate Ricky Gervais, The Office took UK comedy to a whole new level again, with the most perfect casting (no one else in the world could play Gareth like McKenzie Crook and the Dawn/Tim/Lee triangle played out perfectly), timing and cringeworthy dialogue. Extras was also great and cemented Gervais and Merchant as the best writer/directors and actors in the business today. Other format-rejuvenators include Big Train, which freshened up the post-Fast Show sketch shows, Peep Show, the Men Behaving Badly of the naughties, and Gavin & Stacy, which just, well, works.

Then there are those comedies driven by superb and compelling performances. Fawlty Towers - a vehicle for Cleese's unquestionable talents - speaks for itself. Others that spring to mind are Nighty Night (Julia Davis), The League of Gentlemen in their many guises, I'm Alan Partridge (Steve Coogan), Porridge (Ronnie Barker), Peep Show (David Mitchell & Robert Webb), Python (the whole cast), Harry Enfield & Chums (Harry Enfield, Paul Whitehouse, Kathy Burke) and Phoenix Nights (Peter Kay).

Then there are those all round great comedies written to perfection - Blackadder being the most obvious example.

This blog will take a random, sporadic look at what makes British comedies good or bad, review new comedies and reminisce about old ones. Please join in! And just to get us in the mood...

Max shows off his new car alarm in Phoenix Nights